It's hard to think about Banneker's actual birth day. All the events leading up to him getting here, and dealing with kaiser are disappointing to say the least. The short of it is that I thought by going to the "KP Birth Center" in Walnut Creek we would have a good chance of having a staff that trusted birth and supported a natural birth. In the end the KP Birth Center was just a hospital, and we ended up with a hospital birth, in other words a C-section. You hear the staff and other mom's who have had an unexpected c-section say that in the end it doesn't matter, as long as they arrive healthy. It does matter, it matters that the one thing women are predisposed to do is marginalized and the work we are set up to do to get babies here is seen as something we really can't and shouldn't do and so we are not supported. And as with all institutions- financial, political, educational, medical-fear establishes what is normal. Really think about all the decisions we make on a daily basis that are motivated by fear. We have even forgotten how to trust our intuition, and if someone warns us of an impending danger, real or manufactured, we are afraid and our once sensitive nervous system no longer accurately tells us to fight or flight. So it does matter, it matters that we fight and not be afraid. I don't want to raise my son in fear and worry, and I won't so if I am "that mom" forever, forgive me Banneker, I am sorry if you are embarrassed, but you will be strong and healthy and free, and you deserve that. So happy BIRTH day Banneker after being here just ONE MONTH, you are the most beautiful reminder of love, compassion and freedom, thank you for choosing us to be your mom and dad.
And... Happy 4th Birthday to my little friends Evan and August who entered the world with just a moments notice 4 years ago and taught me and their mom and dad (Laura and Rob) all about trust and love and compassion and freedom. I know little bits of day to day freedom are widdled away with every new being, but Evan and August taught all of us that freedom is also one moment by one short moment. I cherish each short moment of freedom I spent with them starting August 23, 2005, those moments allowed me the courage to have Banneker.
5 comments:
Amy -
What a beautiful piece of writing for me to read at the beginning of my day. Your thoughts about our rights in so far as our health, and our bodies natural abilities to birth are right on! I think about that in relation to death as well - how afraid we are of letting go, how hard we fight not to, and most of all how the medical industry is so committed to keeping us alive when our bodies and spirits are ready to go. Witnessing my mom's journey to her death was one of the most amazing moments of my life, and I want to spread the word about the value of hospice and dying at home, the value of dying as a natural part of life.
So happy you are writing Amy - you do it well!
Hilary
Words aren't enough to say thanks for sharing these moments...this is precious. I feel so lucky to have found you guys!!!
Thanks Amy. It will be so sweet to introduce my birthday boys to your little B. Love, Peace & Kisses
Laura
Well-put. The power of birthing should never have gotten into the hands of a primarily male medical profession that thrives on fear, and I'm sorry the whole process was not what you wanted it to be. I do believe you were chosen to be his parents and he was chosen to be your son, even if the start of this journey was not the desired one.
I got an account just so I could say congratulations to you guys on your blog. Banneker is beautiful. Sanaa adores looking at his pics and is slowly learning to say "Banneker". She looks at his pics and says "I love him". Too cute.Can't wait to meet him in person.
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